It Be in “honor” of “Talk like a Pirate Day” that I be puttin’ up this here blog.
So for all ye land lubbers, who come to this here pirate cove to read me ideas and take a chance at stealin’ me treasure. I’ll be given’ ye the two most favoritest jokes of me dear friend Talina , and what a lovely lass she is be.
Here be Joke #1 –
A man walks into a bar,
Bartender looks up and says,
“Excuse me Sir but you have a Ships Wheel sticking out of your pants”
The man looks up and says to the Bartender…
“Arrr it be drivin’ me Nuts!”
Har…har….har….
And if ye be thinkin’ that tis funny, then you’ll be laughin’ ye arse off at this one here…
Joke #2
A man walks into a bar,
Bartender looks up and says,
“Excuse me Sir but you have a, paper towel stuck to your forehead…”
The man looks up and says to the Bartender…
“Arrr there be a Bounty on me Head!”
Har….Har…Har….
That be all, now cast off and go be vistin me matie’s islands that ye can be findin on the Starboard side of me little island here…..
Oh God… I can hear Talina giggling maniacally right now. Err..umm…I mean Arrrrrrr…..!
+++ Arr, if that be true then me work here be done! haRrrrr. +++
Ya scurvy dog…them be the worst jokes I’ve heard since I heard ‘em the last time! Any more and it’s a keelhauling for you!
You’ll no be keelhauling me, little lass, besides yer slab sided dirty bottomed old snow, couldn’t catch me to keelhaul me if ye wanted her too. (Slab sided = Tall walled, dirty bottomed = barnicaled [you have to keep ships hulls cleaned], old snow = a snow was a ship normally used by merchants). +++
Ha…ha..ha… YOU said Leyli has BARNACLES!!!! Bwa..ha.ha…. Barnacle Butt…. Bwa..ha..ha.ha…
+++ now…now… I said her SHIP was a Snow, and IT had Barnacles….(which catch seaweed and slow ships down). there is NO way I’d call someone I liked “Barnacle Butt”. but that does sound funny.
+++
Katrina and all her buddies at Gulf Wars are getting ready for a Pirate Party next year! I am sooooo glad I am not going…lol!
Adding to the pile here…
Two pirates talking. One has a wooden leg and an eye patch. “How’d you get that wooden leg, mate?”
“Ay, it got bit off by a varmint shark.”
“How’d you get that metal hook?”
“Lost ‘er in a sword fight. Another pirate cut off me bloody hand.
“How’d you get that eye patch?”
“Well, I was up in the crowsnest and I looked up to spy this seagull. The darn thing pooped in me eye!
“Well, how’d THAT make you blind?”
“Arrrrrgh! T’was the first day I had me new hook!”
+++ Thats great Michael! I’ll make sure I add it to next years “talk like a pirate day” bad joke list.
+++
Imagine a “Historical Accuracy Pirates day” – the day is full of rape and murder. Keira Knightly is instantly punished and whipped the moment she “talks back” on the ship. All women who dress in male “pirate” clothes are arrested and publicaly mocked. Depp is killed.
+++ Ah yes the difference between the “Accurate” version of historical life and the “Romantic” version of historical life, call me hopeless, but I’ll take the romantic version most every time….though I have had some naughty thoughts about what I could do with Ms. Knightly in some of those pirate outfits.
+++
PUH-LEEZ…. You’d snap Ms. Knightly like a freakin’ twig if you ever got your big, sausage fingered hands on her! ;P She must weigh all of 100 pounds – soaking wet! Yeesh!
Disgusting that you boys think she’s “HOT”. She’s a freaking stick on legs! ick!
+++ Hey I just think she was hot in that movie…or perhaps it was the fact that she was almost always in a corset (and corsets are almost always hot) it was just her in that movie…for example she didn’t do anything for me in “King Arthur” that was put out a couple of years ago…..besides, big hands and small women are fun.
+++
I thought she looked hot too, and I refuse to feel guilty about it! Ulrich is right, the corset might have had something to do with it, though.
I liked her in Arthur, but it might have been because of the traction trebuchets in the background. Catapults and women – why not?
+++ Don’t misunderstand Jarod, I don’t feel GUILTY in the least about thinking she was hot in those movies…besides chicks with swords= HOT.
Who? I liked Zena my ownself. Now THAT was a woman to admire! In a corset…. hmmm… nice mental image there… her of course, in a corset, not me…
And Ulrich, Masterful Knight of the Realm, if I didn’t say before let me offer my regrets for not being at MGT this year. The Oatland Island Conservatory demo is on the same weekend and we have been a part of that for several years. The Forthcastle group gets a lot of necessary positive publicity from that one.
Looks like we are missing a fantastic event though.
You know what Ulrich.. you are dead to me! Yeah.. you read right.. DEAD TO ME!!! “big hands..small women”??? Ugh… I think I just threw up a little in my mouth. Here all this time, I thought you had better taste than that. Obviously I was wrong.
It would seem that Michael is the only guy here who has an appreciation for women of a more curvy and healthy build. Dude, Xena was HOT! So I’m going to start hanging out with him from now on. Hmph!
I’d say I’m “flouncing” off, but that would be something your wispy, ultra skinny girls would do… instead, I believe I will kick you in the shin and storm off instead. Ha! Take that.
+++ What the bloody ‘ell? who said I didn’t like curvy women (hello May West and Marylin Monroe are two of my FAVORITES…not to mention Piper Laurie, Sophia Loren) and I thought Biance was hot UNTIL she lost the little bit of “thick” she had. *I* just think “Elizabeth Swann” was hot because she had a sword. and a corset.
BTW – All chicks were hot in Xena because I don’t know if any of you noticed it or not…but ALL of their outfits had Corsets built into them!
– and for the record from all of those Hercules Xena shows…the hotest was “Atalanta” the blacksmith from Hercules. ;P AND SHE AIN’T THIN! +++ 
That was unfair to categorize my friend Ulrich as a “curvy woman disliker”… noo… not fair. Just because he said “big hands and small women are fun.” and failed to mention women with character and a modicum of meat… well, I am sure it was an oversight. I mean, surely somewhere in the post he MEANT to say something about a woman you wouldn’t be afraid to break. And you noticed how quick he came back with an excuse..umm… reason for not mentioning them in the first place.. and STILL managed to mention Elizabeth Swann (the little piece of straw she is) in his post… again, surely we can’t fault him for that?.. hmmm… and as for my thoughts, I think the hottest one from Atlanta is you, Cinn…
*buffing the halo here*….
It’s wonderful becoming such a good friend of Ulrich’s…
+++ Sir Michael….my dear friend. Please, stop trying to help me.
– And I never said Cinn wasn’t the hottest ‘thang’ going in Atlanta. I said AtAlanta was hot in Hercules.
Let me be perfectly clear here…I have an affinity for all women, big women, small women, short women, tall women, curvy women, slim women, and everything in between. hmmm I think I see a blog topic in my future… +++